For those of us who work from home, so much of our focus is on the kids. We openly discuss working from home with kids and we share lots of strategies, tips and techniques for making it through summers and holidays. But, what about the balance of working from home and our marriages?
As a work at home Mom I have the flexibility to work around the schedules of my children’s activities, sleep schedules, and need for Mommy time. The result is that often I get up early and work before they get up, and I know that many of us work after the kids go to sleep at night.
It is this fragmented work pattern that can leave me in a catch-22 of sorts. A lot of days I am faced with a choice - one I don’t always like to make - spend my evening doing work to earn money or spend my evening hanging out with my spouse.
And what about times when your spouse has the day off or the week off? How do you manage expectations? I can’t afford to put my business on hold every time my husband takes the day off or the week off.
While I have found that communication and compromise go a long way, this is still an area I struggle with! Some of the ways I have found to help maintain the balance include:
- Get a laptop and work while your spouse watches TV - at least you are in the same room and can have a conversation at the same time.
- If I know my husband will be off for a day or two I try to schedule a block of time for a family activity or a lunch date.
- Keep my husband informed of my successes and what I earn so that he can see the value of what I do.
Now, I’d like to get your input! What has worked for you and what has not?
Filed under Family, Working from Home
Steve wrote @ July 5th, 2007 at 8:10 am
As you know, I ended up giving up my web design business because of the work-life balance issues that were cropping up. Now my case was a little different, as I was still holding down a full-time job. Funny how the show is now somewhat on the other foot with Kendra and her new responsibilities. Add to that the my laptop broke!
The hardest part for me was setting “work hours” at home and sticking to them. I would find myself rushing through dinner, sometimes with the laptop on the table! I wasn’t able to help out with baths and bedtime because I was so busy. My kids would even joke about the laptop being physically attached to my lap. This caused many a fight in the house between my wife and I.
The other big problem I had was slow money. You need to make sure your accounting and billing is in order. Staying up late at night doing work while “ignoring” your family tends to be easier tolerated when client’s payments are coming in on time. Justifying your all-hours work to your spouse for no or slow play usually doesn’t go over too well!
Wow, Steve! I feel for you man!
It is so true that work and family are probably one of the hardest thing we need to get right in our lives! Well, think of it this way - those kids aren’t going to be 2-year-old very much longer! 
Doris wrote @ July 5th, 2007 at 12:15 pm
I work together with my husband in our home office so sometimes it is even harder to balance cos we see each other almost 24/7 (with some exceptions) and it’s hard to do the balancing act. So the only time we catch up with each other in a quality manner is a much needed vacation and weekends. Sad to say, weekends aren’t always the best time to catch up too cos I need to spend more time with Clayton. Actually, this post gets me thinking. We do need to put in efforts to strike that good balance.
Great post topic, Char. If I only had a dollar for every time the “I love my family, so I need to work to support them … but I also need to spend time with them” argument has flared up in my brain over the past couple years as a work-from-home hubby and dad!
I think it’s important to avoid bad surprises as much as possible. So if there’s something big and time-consuming due tonight at midnight, tell your spouse as soon as possible that you might want some extra time to work tonight - days in advance, if possible.
Another thing that can help is the right equipment - laptop, Bluetooth earphone thingy, etc. Wireless anything is niiiice.
Structure really, really helps - so your spouse and kids can expect you to be “home” at certain times and “at work” at others. And a designated work space helps with that, too (although I do also love to roam the house with my laptop).
I’d love to chat about this with anyone.
Dana wrote @ July 5th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
I think it helps to sit down and come up with expectations in advance. Goals and limits are nice…as well as understanding for times when that will need to be broken. my husband understands that our agreements are on hold the week before an important deadline, and I try not to get too consumed by other tasks in the in-between time. We have decided on some things that would be nice to have that would make things more efficient (like a laptop!) as well as make it easier to do things like take the kids to the playground AND get something done.
So we have a goal that when what I am doing grows to a certain point, we will purchase one. But short of a best seller which allows him to stay home, we have also set an upper limit on the amount of time is reasonable for me to invest which may mean a loss of some potential, but better family life.
Char wrote @ July 5th, 2007 at 6:43 pm
I am glad to see that I am not alone - I knew I wasn’t! During the school year it is much easier to keep the balance - especially as my kids will all be in school full time this year. Summer is posing much more of a challenge this year than I had expected.
Michelle wrote @ July 6th, 2007 at 12:08 am
We always reserve Friday nights for “dates” even if it’s only watching tv together.
Luckily we enjoy similar things, even work-related, so time together can be doubled up with work things.
My husband is just coming around to realizing that me being on my laptop and working while he watches tv is at least spending time together.
Before I got my laptop, we would be on totally different floors in the house for most of the night.
We are still working on balancing everything. My husband is a teacher, so he is home at 3 every day, and his schedule in the summer is even more flexible. So i have to remind him a lot that when I have to work (even if it’s at home) until 5 pm, that’s NORMAL to most people!!
Jane, P&B Girls
Structure and communication have been the biggies for us. Easton’s post is right on.
We tried just leaving things to chance for a while, but it’s too easy for important things to fall aside in the face of seemingly urgent needs and in-the-moment desires, like “I just want to veg out.”
Since I’m all about intuition, we used a technique I teach in one of my classes called “Inspired Scheduling” — using an intuitive process to lay out a template for the week, so we know when everything is going to fit. Since doing that, our rhythms have been much more steady, and the important pieces aren’t getting dropped (well, not too often, that is!).
Communication, willingness to change, and planning. I don’t work from home, per see, but I have grad school and a young blog that consume a lot of energy.
Sometime household responsibilities get shirked, and other things happen, but as long as you are willing to actually listen to your spouse then things can get bad. You spouse must also believe that something will change when they communicate, this is harder then just listening.
I know I have explained why I want to do such and such, and my wife willingly supports me as long as the family and marriage is not being sacrificed. Sometime it is more of a struggle than others. but it is definitely a great growth experience for me.
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